To get through life sometimes, I have to pass through it without taking much notice of what's going on. It allows me to do nothing other than wake up, do the bare minimum of what I need to do for the day, and then engross myself deep enough in something to avoiding thinking about everything else. It's not a healthy habit, and it's not one something I do often, but there are times when it pays to put up the walls and live an insular life.
I have spent the past month sleeping through the most important points of my every day life. I have barely written a word, my reading list has not gotten any shorter, I haven't really talked to anyone, and I'm simply ignoring some of the bigger things that I need to be thinking about right now. I regret that I felt the need to retreat into my shell again, but it helps me get through the worst of myself.
It's no secret to anyone that I can be a melancholy sort of person. It's when those feelings get stronger and those voices get louder that I feel the need to defend myself against them. So I fall asleep, and do as little as I can get away with, until the worst of it passes. I have done it plenty of times before, it's what I have been these past few weeks. I hate myself for needed to do it, but I know it's something I will probably do again in the future.
Now I am awake, in the same way that it feels dazed to wake after a restless night with little rest. But I will force myself to open to the door and step back into my life. There are things to be written, decisions to be made, people to talk to, and a life to be lived. There is little to be found in the safety of the walls we build around ourselves, except the will to keep going. Though I do not know what I will find out here, now that I'm awake.