When I close my eyes and visualise my life, I see a small contained vessel of self. I am separated from the world around me by a thin layer of feelings and idiosyncrasies, awash in an ocean of everyone and everything. Sooner or later though, I hope this capsule will dissolve. I don’t want to be trapped in the same way I always have. I want to be a part of all of it, to experience all of it.

I’m telling you because all that context, all that work, all that growth, forms the basis for my last act of courage in this fight; my decision to forgive you.

The one thing I will always be is permanent.

In my heart I wanted so much for it to be good, I needed it to be good. If we’re being frank about things, I deserved that.

That search and desire to grow is what led me here and now it’s leading me in a direction I don’t yet understand. I have to follow it, no matter where it leads me.